The Novelist – a tale of procrastination

I wrote this several years ago as a short story.  Enjoy!

THE NOVELIST

I’m going to write a bestselling novel.  I have a fantastic plot in my head with amazing characters and it will blow everyone away. Since childhood, everyone has told me I should be a writer –  and now finally I am.

I’ll just have some toast first.  You can’t write a blockbuster on an empty stomach.  I’ll start straight after that.

Right.  My new notebook is gorgeous, soft leather, embossed with my initials.  Adam bought it when I announced I was writing my novel.  He’s so proud of me. Where’s my lucky pen?  I must clear my handbag out: clutter will interfere with my zen and block my creativity.

That’s done.  Better reply to Anna about Saturday.

Now, firstly I need to do research.  While I think of it, I’ll put the washing on.  Us women are brilliant multi-taskers!

Okay, laptop on. 15 new emails!  Better check there’s nothing urgent.  Must order that ‘How to Write a Blockbuster’ book: expert advice is so important.

Finally ready.  Here goes.

Look at the state of the floor!  I can’t work in this mess.  I’ll just vacuum and quickly hang out the washing.  Its lunchtime, so I’ll have a quick snack.

Ping!  Anna’s online. I’ll tell her I’m too busy writing to chat. Oh, she’s heard from Beth!

There are far too many distractions at home.  I’ll go to the coffee shop with my laptop, like Carrie Bradshaw.  Better change into something inspiring.  Vintage, perhaps?

Traffic’s awful.  Must just go to the bank first.

I’ve ordered my coffee. How shall I start the novel?  Perhaps if I type in ‘Chapter One’, I’ll feel inspired.

You know, I’d write much better with lovely manicured nails.  I’m a very visual person. Everyone knows glamorous, groomed women sell more books.  I’m sure the nail bar could fit me in.  It’s too crowded in here and someone’s baby is screaming.

My nails look amazing!  They’re not dry yet so I can’t type.  Anyway, it’s important to take regular screen breaks.

Back home.  Okay.  I’ll write an incredible opening line and it will just flow from there.

The phone’s ringing.

“Hello? Oh, Mum, I’ve told you not to call while I’m writing.  You saw who? Really?”

It’s six o’clock!  Better start dinner.  Adam is very sweet about my novel but he doesn’t understand that writing is a full time job.

I’m going to write a bestselling novel. Tomorrow, I will definitely make a start.

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